Female-Led Relationships: Frequently Asked Questions What is a female-led relationship? A female-led relationship is a relationship where both partners make a conscious decision for the woman to be the head of the household. She most likely brings in most of the income, handles the finances and makes the major decisions (but not without his input–she’s a leader, not a dictator). She also is likely to take the lead in the bedroom a good deal of the time. Does a female-led relationship involve sexual domination of the man with whips and chains? Most people in these relationships are not into pain or sadomasochistic sexual practices. The men in these relationships desire a woman who takes control especially in the sexual arena. That control can be mental, emotional or physical. A certain type of woman finds it exhilarating and fun to be in charge and enjoys being treated like a goddess or a queen. If a man is fascinated with female domination porn sites does that mean he wants his woman to be some kind of dominatrix? It’s normal to be concerned about a man whose sexual proclivities are out on the fringe. A very small percentage of men fall into the category of hardcore S&M buffs who’d rather experience female domination than straight sex. The great majority is quite happy with straight sex and might experiment with kinky sex for variety now and then. However, there’s another group of men in between these two categories who are drawn to images of powerful women and get turned on at the thought of surrendering themselves to a woman. When they try to repress this desire it grows more intense and they look for relief at the female domination porn sites. This man’s desire for control can seem extreme especially if he has gone for years and years without being able to express it or admit it to anyone. The good news is that the craving for extremes shrinks when he is with a woman who understands his needs and is willing to accept to accept him as he is. When he is involved in pleasing a real life partner on a daily basis the obsessive behavior fades.

How can I tell my wife that this is what I want without destroying our relationship? This is a very difficult problem for a man whose wife always expected to have a traditional marriage. Trying to change the ground rules when a relationship is already established may be possible if the woman is open-minded enough to try something new. Many men in this position find it helpful to give her a copy of the book Venus On Top because it provides a simple, non-threatening introduction to female-led relationships.

How can a woman love and respect a man who makes less money than she does? Money can be the source of many problems and power struggles in any relationship. Until women learn to judge men by the quality of their character rather than the size of their bank account, the woman out-earning the man can be a stumbling block. Studies show that this is the case in 30% of marriages today and on the rise, so more and more marriages will be facing this problem, not just female-led marriages.

Happy couples in female-led marriages learn to give up judging each other by outside standards. Successful men give credit to their wives whose support on the home front was integral to their career success. Why should it be any different if the woman is the main breadwinner and the man is the support person?

Isn’t it unnatural and against everything the Bible teaches for the woman to be in charge? Men wrote the Bible and the first words were not written down until decades after the death of Christ. Today there are hundreds of versions of the Bible and thousands of Christian religious groups, each one claiming that their way is only one true way to interpret the Bible. How can we really know what Jesus said and taught?

Those who follow the precepts of books like “The Surrendered Wife” will probably be offended by the idea of a female-led marriage and I am not trying to change their minds. On the other hand, one of the most popular female domination sites on the Internet is run by a woman who openly proclaims that she is a Christian and a dominatrix and sees no conflict between the two. Personally, I think everyone has a right to believe whatever they want as long as they don’t try to force their beliefs on others.

How do I know if this lifestyle is the best one for me? Most men who are turned on by powerful women discover this tendency in themselves by their teen years. They see that their buddies are turned on by different qualities in females. Fearing ridicule, they repress their natural feelings and try to act like one of the guys to be accepted.

Men generally know whether this is the lifestyle they want. Women usually don’t know until they try it at the suggestion of the man in their life. A naturally dominant woman often has trouble accepting the part of her that enjoys being in control. She may find it easier to express that part sexually at first.

Full acceptance of her dominant nature on all fronts can take longer because it is not the image of womanhood we are taught. Some women know immediately that this idea goes against their nature or their beliefs and is definitely not the lifestyle they want. Other women have to experience it first. It can take some time before a woman can decide if it’s right for her.

How can I find a partner who wants this kind of lifestyle? Most women are introduced to the idea of a female-led relationship by a man who desires it. Women who are naturally dominant often think that they want their man to be in charge or be an equal. They rarely conceive of being in charge in the relationship on their own because our culture has no positive role models for this kind of behavior from women.

The most important thing for those who desire a Venus On Top relationship is to discuss your desires with your partner before the relationship gets too serious. You deserve to have a partner who loves you and accepts you 100% as you really are. And you deserve to know what kind of lifestyle your partner wants before you decide to tie the knot.

Is there some kind of support group or social club for people in this lifestyle? Until now there have not been any nationally organized support groups or clubs specifically for people in female-led relationships. Some cities have "FemDom" (Female Domination) clubs for dominant women and submissive men that are more focused on the sexual side of the relationship.

The Venus On Top Society is a membership organization for couples and singles who enjoy female-led relationships. Our purpose is two-fold: 1) to help members network and socialize with each other and 2) to build awareness and foster acceptance of our lifestyle. Our main focus is on the practical everyday aspects of female-led relationships. By joining the discussion group, members can ask questions, make comments and discuss any aspect of the lifestyle they want to with their peers. If you would like to support our community, please join us and donate.


How do you explain this lifestyle to family and friends? You are not obligated to discuss your personal life with anyone except your spouse or partner. If you know that certain people are too close-minded to entertain a new idea about relationships, then there is no reason to discuss it with them. However, some of us are quite comfortable going public. When you’re open about who is the leader in your home, you might be pleasantly surprised when other people say, “That’s how it is for us, too!” or “Hey, I know a couple like that.”

How can I meet and socialize with other like-minded people? This is a question I've been asked so often that I founded the Venus On Top Society to meet the need for a social network exclusively for people in female-led relationships. The Internet is great for creating cyber-communities. However, many people, including my husband and me, also feel the need to meet, make friends and do fun activities with others like us. Singles also need a way to meet like-minded people of the opposite sex both on the Internet and in person and that's another service that our organization will soon provide.

We will also organize cruises and travel to exotic vacation spots for members so we can all enjoy being our true selves, having fun in an atmosphere of total acceptance.

You can get started by becoming a member and participating in the discussion forums. We will be polling members about what types of products and services you want and we will provide them for you. Members will be able to contact other members in their area and create local chapters to organize get-togethers. You no longer need to be alone in the world. The solution is right here for you.